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today i got suaned by several pple cos i got some red spots on my neck. most pple said.. wah love bite ah. i was like -_-" as if the mosquito is my lover loh. i'm juz so suay lah.. scratch until like tt. i dun think it will heal soon. haiz tml sure get suan by my classmates. i hate monday... got chem prac from 2.15-3.40. after tt still got chem tut till 4.25pm. then chem s from 5.15-7. it's like a chem day for me. i'm still in the slacking mood. dunno when i will start studying for my prelims. i was truely inspired by the recepients on the college day. i wish i have the chance to come back to sch next yr to get some awards. hmm i must work hard to get my 4A's. i realised most band seniors screwed up their s papers. either they get juz 1 D or both M. 1 snr din even get 4A's. i have 5 horns snrs n 4 of them managed to get 4A's. they all r so li hai.... i wonder how 'well' my batch will do. maybe we will lose to RJ or VJ. i'm still having prob with my econs. hmm dunno when i can be disciplined enough to read thru all the notes. haiz. i'm finally a yellow-tip for my tkd. i shd be going for the grading in oct unless my prelims results sux. think i will be skipping some tkd prac cos i wun have time to go for every one of them. i like the pple at siglap cc =)
today i've been stoning in sch again. it hurts really badly when i think abt my 'fren'. i have nvr been betrayed b4. i felt like a fool for always believing in her. i was so concerned for her yet all tt she has ever done is to hurt me by deceiving me. i dun understand y i deserve all this. i have been quite nice to her, yet all she can pay me back with is a pack of lies. i trusted her yet she can lie to me right in my face, for tt long a time. i dun understand her intentions. she is not who i think she is anymore. i'm starting to be scared of her, of her scheming nature. i thot such things only happen in a movie. y did it happen to me? being lied to once is ok, but for more than a year, i juz can't forgive her. she claimed tt she nvr cheat me, but what abt all those things tt she told me. i wonder if i can ever trust my net fren again. i feel as if someone has made use of me n manipulated me for a long long time.
so bernice was complaining to me abt my blog AGAIN.. ok shall talk abt yest. my grading day. i was in a bad mood for the day.. it all started when my coach couldn't find my grading card. i had to stand at a side n was feeling so damn xtra cos all the white belts n yellow tip had finished b4 me.. i guess everyone was irritated cos everything was in a mess. finally someone found my card n it was my turn to do my pattern with pple from other cc. i was super pissed off so when i had to shout, i made sure i was the loudest n i kicked with all my might, not caring if i'm overdoing or anything. then after tt i was quite disappointed to noe tt i only got a pass n not a double. i feel like i have wasted a lot of my precious time trying to perfect my moves.. then in the end i only got a pass... i doubt anybody failed though they are all doing it the wrong way. i'm juz so 'bu gan yuan' tt i put in so much time n effort, n i'm no better than those kids. the worst thing was when my coach called my fren n asked her if i got a double. i felt so malu, as if i let a lot of pple down. my fren tried to console me by telling me tt the examiner is too lenient n he wasn't even looking at me. argh. i felt like quitting when i saw my result... though i sorta expected it liao after my fren said my 1st few punches were too low. shd i try to go for the next grading in sep/oct? i dun wanna remain as a yellow tip.. i dun wanna be compared to those kids.. i must get my colour belt soon. juz realised i got lied to by someone i trusted for quite long. guess i've been the fool all along. i hate it when pple treat me like an idiot.
yest was a big disappointment.. got back maths n chem. initially i was quite happy for chem until i saw 1 q for which i got 1/10.. n the teacher wrote a 'poor!' beside it. i got B but was still unhappy cos i got 1.5 marks deducted cos the teacher was so strict.. haiz felt wronged. the worst thing was i got 22/30 for mcq while my fren got 28. n she was busy haolianing to me in the canteen. i juz wished she can juz shut the hell up. i dun understand how someone can ever be so insensitive. my chem grade has been deteriorating since the start of this yr.. i feel like giving up my chem s... i dun deserve to get chem s. chem s pple r expected to be a cut above the rest yet i'm juz average. so chem was already a disappointment.. somehow yest i was hoping tt i wldn't get back maths cos i juz had the feeling tt it wldn't be gd. n indeed i was in a terrible bad mood after maths. i felt like a total failure cos i made such unforgivable careless mistakes.. i wish i got 1 mark more. some pple think tt i'm siao cos they said tt i already got an A but it's juz different. diff pple got different aims n expectations.. to me getting above 85 is a must. i mark can mean a lot of things to me. remember i juz mentioned abt a fren who haolian to me abt her chem? well she once again won me in maths by 1 mark. i was so damn gek by her cos tt kpo idiot went ard telling others my marks. who gave her the right to do so.. i felt like scolding her. i was so sad liao n din feel like talking to others yet she went ard telling others. yest was simply a horrible day.
11 days after my last entry.... finally bt is over n this week n next week will be super exciting! get back results.. wah i hope econs got moderation otherwise i really might get O or F. i was juz stoning away when i saw the case study. while my frens were busily scribbling away, i was thinking to myself.. what's there to write? so this is like super gone case liao loh. haiz it feels terrible to be stoning during an econs exam.. i shall work hard for my prelims! maths was a disappointment too.. haiz thot i could get 100.. was happy for a couple of days then my fren asked me abt the Fixed pt iteration thing.. then realised i got mistake cos i forgot to prove tt the point is correct using IVT.. haiz.. 1 mark gone. then i also think it's impossible for me to have no careless mistake at all. probability can be so tricky n i wun noe what to expect. i was thinking tt this is my last chance to get 100 cos prelims will be a killer loh. but actually 90+ shd be gd enough liao? my sis always tells me tt in the A's, nobody will noe yr score... it's the grade tt matters. initially i was quite hopeful abt chem... until the end of the chem prac. i wonder what went over me.. i actually did 8 titrations n waste lots of time! i mixed up the pipette n burette! then i put the same substance in both of it n titrated for so long w/o results. everything is juz so screwed up.. i can't even interpret this 65g/kg. i dun understand what the hell tt is.. so i guess i will flunk my design experiment. today i went for tkd again... i'm always the oldest among the white belts but i sorta enjoyed it... being the big sister. it's nice to have the chance to talk to those small kids n interact with pple of other races. i nvr get to do tt when i'm in sch cos there r juz so many chi. at the cc.. majority of the white belts r indians... the kids all so cute. today i got sabo by my fren. tt !@#%^ told me to do push up....i did 5.. then she said i count wrong... so i counted "1 push up, 2 push up...." then she said wrong again.. haiz so i counted "1 mdm, 2 mdm.." think in total i did abt 12 push ups when i'm supposed to do only 5. n finally i used smthing tt i learnt from scgs band... when i counted to "5 mdm", i said "permission to get up mdm". i knew tt my fren wun let me off tt easily. guess she was kinda impressed by tt last sentence.. hahaha. grading is now on 20th july. n it clashes with band fiesta. i was having a big headache over it cos on 1 hand, i can't afford to back out of the grading cos my fren already paid for it, then on the other hand i dun wanna miss my last band performance. but in the end i guess i have no choice but to go for the grading since the band wun die w/o me but my fren will be super disappointed in me if i dun turn up. i hate making such diff decisions. if only i can attend both of it. if i'm not playing for band fiesta then there is no point for me to attend the band pracs but i really wanna enjoy my last 2 weeks in band. if i'm not playing then i can't play during prac. argh i'm at a lost now... hope everything will turn out fine in the end.
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